I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won’t come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world.

..I’m asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don’t say that you’re a nice guy — that’s the bare minimum.

“Well, I’m not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!”

I’m sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don’t have, then back the fuck away..

..Don’t complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. “But I’m a great listener!” Are you? Because you’re willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there’s another guy in her life who also knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you’re a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn’t make you sick. You’re like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is “The actors are clearly visible”.

David Wong, 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person

This never gets old. 

(via denasynesthesia)

(Source: violetmaps, via jetbag)

2srooky:

One time in sixth grade I was being bullied really badly, and this whole circle of people gathered around me and the girl that was bullying me, and she smirked and went ‘You dumb rich bitch.’ And everyone was like OOOOOOH and I stood there for a second before pulling 20 dollars out of my wallet, placed it in her hand, and said “Buy some better insults.” And I swear the entire lunchroom rioted.

(via ap-a-thet-i-cal)

troylerisinyou:

troye sivan + hearing people wrong

(via whilelifepassesby)

onlylolgifs:

Dog knows difference between bath and walk.

(Source: onlylolgifs, via ap-a-thet-i-cal)

(Source: matteredthemost, via muutant)

to-b-or-not-221b:

This is the best thing I have heard all week.

to-b-or-not-221b:

This is the best thing I have heard all week.

(via rebelfreakat221b)

susfishcious:

susfishcious:

susfishcious:

susfishcious:

I have two potential ID pictures and I know exactly which one I’m going to try to submit

I under stand that my head is tilted by a professional smile???

How is my smile not professional???

Let’s try round 2.

Rejected again.

I’m very confused. I must inquire further. 

LEGITIMATE LOUD SCREAMING THIS IS IT, THIS IS THE DAY I DIE

(via rebelfreakat221b)

nevver:

Via, um Playboy

nevver:

Via, um Playboy

(Source: playboy.com, via lovethoselights)

be-blackstar:

bagelbrother:

someone was like hey do a flower beard thing and i was like okay

perfect face

(via potatocrust)


[patrick stump voice]: TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN

[patrick stump voice]: TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN

(Source: patrick-stumps, via potatocrust)

candyviolence:

taketheleadneverfollow:

THIS IS A PUPPY IT’S NOT EVEN A FULL-GROWN DOG AND IT UNDERSTANDS “NO” IT IS NOT EVEN A YEAR OLD AND YOU’RE TELLING ME TEENAGE BOYS AND MEN CAN’T UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF “NO.” THAT IS BULLSHIT.

I just wanted puppy.

(Source: sexyyuglyy)

imogenjayy:

xxsilvertonguespiritxx:

itsstuckyinmyhead:

Odd Romeo and Juliet Tumblr Posts

Why hasn’t this got more notes…? It’s fucking hilarious………or maybe I find it so funny because I have a weird sense of humour…hmmm, lol :)

the Shakespeare obsessed side of tumblr is the best

(via potatocrust)

human:

lying liar. you’re lying.

Liar. You are lying.

(via potatocrust)

batmanlockedmeinthetardis:

thisrohirrimisnoman:

1reasonand1reasonolny:

harryriles:

"what are you reading?"

"its a…online book."

"oh cool, what’s it about?"

"….uh…."

image

I love that everyone just knows

(via potatocrust)

jesspinkman:

being a pessimist is great i’m always either right or pleasantly surprised 

#the optimistic look on pessimism  

(Source: xcyst, via potatocrust)